This might be enough to make you want to throw your phone clear across the room, but first, finish reading this article. If you are, in fact, reading this on your phone stop looking down at it, raise your arms a bit so that it is at eye level and take a deep breath.
Texting is probably fucking up your sex life.
Not completely destroyed, though if you don't have much of one we can probably point to texting as a silent accomplice. When you text you do an unreasonable amount of damage to your body, rolling that heavy ball that floats above your spine forward (as shown in the photo), hyper-extending all of the muscles in your upper back and neck. In this process, you also completely close off your throat chakra (#5) while impeding the heart chakra (#4).
This fifth chakra, also referred to as the sacral chakra, is the energy center for communication, creativity, and self-expression. According to spiritual traditions, the throat chakra is considered the seat, or home, of human emotion. It is also associated with the endocrine system, which means your hormones, including you sex and pleasure ones, are also blocked.
The throat chakra is already hard enough to open up, this is why our sexual desires get so trapped in our heart chakra, confusing us to all hell. Why on earth would we make it harder? Are we sacrificing our soul for the convenience of conversation without a vocal interaction? There is a strong correlation between our throat chakra and our sex chakra, so how do we work against the non stop texting to open up our throat chakra, giving a voice to our desires and needs, and changing confusion into clarity?
Here are a couple of steps:
Next time you come see me, moan more. Your throat will appreciate the vibration and honestly, a good moan makes everything feel better.
Deep throat breathing or Ujjayi Pranayama is amazing. When I went to yoga teacher training in Berkeley, I really got to explore Pranayama and breath. When I am approaching orgasm, I really try to dive deep into back throat breath. It helps me to maintain an orgasmic state for what feels like eternity, but it also helps to release my throat and things I am holding in that area. Let's face it, a well breathed through orgasm is basically magic.
Use your voice! Sing, chant, hum, grunt... whatever you can do, do it.
Tell your lover what you want. Get used to and comfortable with saying what you want, what your desires are, what they are and where they can improve on. Get used expressing yourself effectively in front of your partner without feeling shy, for a unblocked throat chakra and a healthy sex life.
In my Dark Tantra sessions, I use spanking as a means of catharsis, healing, and stress relief. Last week a client and I connected through a dark session that involved so much more thank spanking. Often during sessions, clients don’t know where to put their hands; their minds won’t completely quiet down as they go back to their usual sexual modus operandi, and start thinking of ways to please me instead of receiving the healing.
Even though the session started very similar to a regular tantric massage, after a few minutes of breathing and relaxing touch his hands started moving around, looking for my legs. Limb by limb, I bound his hands and legs to my table with satin sashes. I continued the massage, flogging, tickling and scratching between effleurage and lomi.
Sessions like these have nothing to do with showing the receiver who’s in charge, correcting an action, or as a start to something sexual. These sparks of sensory play is a way to become more centered and in touch with with your body, and to enjoy so-called darker desires without shame. Sometimes, enjoying your darkest desires allows you to authentically live with yourself.
You don’t have to book a session to enjoy the fun and excitement a few spanks can bring. If you would like to practice with a partner, all you need to do is have the right tools. Here is a list of my favorite tools used in my practice and hopefully someday you can use in your bedroom!
Candles (for wax play)
QOTD: Why do I call it 'yoni' massage?
Let's be real. It's a pussy massage. Female-bodied folk, if you schedule a Tantra massage with me, I am going to massage your your entire body, your entire being, your entire soul... and I will massage your pussy. The word 'pussy' continues to be used in such vulgar way that it feels impossible to use it in a context that expresses the divinity of the vulva. So I use the word yoni to create a goddess space for the female sexual being. I use the term Lingham similarly, as 'cock' or 'dick' massage doesn't really sound as pleasant to the ear. Our language is limited, and there are some words out there that are beautiful and sacred, so I am rolling with those.
Here is something else you might not know: when I get to the point that I am massaging your yoni or lingham, there is no pressure to perform or cum. In fact, there is no agenda at all outside of your pleasure.
I want you to let me turn you on. We often think of being turned on as an erection or wetness, but the reality is a wet pussy and a hard cock are simply physiological reactions. My goal is turn you on in a way that moves far beyond the physical, and into a place of self discovery.
This is why my sessions flow the way they do. I believe in the healing and calming properties of a well given massage. I am intentionally working to make your body feel safe, supportive and perfectly relaxed before I move into any of the erotic elements. My body glides along yours, sending sensations of comfort and connectivity. When you get to the point that your body yields to my touch without tensing from it, when you become heavy in my hands, I move onto your pussy or penis.
I work to massage out the kinks and to guide you to a world beyond orgasm. Sure, sometimes an orgasm happens, but that is not the goal and that is not a stopping point. On my table you can moan out loud, writhe in pleasure, or have a tearful release. I invite you to learn to receive pleasure, unclench, and express yourself fully, as an erotic being under my skilled hands.
I invite you to a space where there is no pressure to please the giver, as your joy and freedom brings me all of the pleasure I could ever want!
Porn is great.
Porn is awful.
That is the TL:DR version of this post.
Folx, look at your genitals. As soon as you finish reading this, go look at them. Touch them. Peel back the skin and look deeper, and while you are there, touch every layer. Become familiar with body parts that don't look like porn body parts.
I was an actor for a while, which meant casting calls. They wanted a Black woman; I was there. Most times, I wasn't what they were looking for. Either I spoke too proper, my complexion was too light, or my build was too muscular. It gave me a host of self image issues. It made me miss my porn calling too, because I kept interpreting it as "you are not pretty enough for mainstream."
This perpetuated itself in the bedroom, because every porn star's pussy I saw didn't look a thing like mine. I have large pussy lips, a huge clit, and the layers? Oh my god, the layers!!! Porn pussy is compact, neat and so well put together. Hell, it doesn't even SQUIRT like mine. My squirts are like a leak of wetness that soaks my lover inconspicuously and porn pussy shoots jizz out across the room. Porn is horrible. I still watch it (for research mostly), but let's admit, it's mostly science fiction.
It wasn't until I took some time, about 11 years ago, and looked at my pussy that I realized, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. More importantly, how can you show anyone how to test drive it if you don't know what it looks and feels like. My labia majora provides a totally different sensation than my labia minora, but I had to get to a place where I knew my pussy well enough from sight for the braille to work.
You know what else makes you uncomfortable about your genitalia outside of trying to match it to porn stars? Trauma. When I was 15, I was told my pussy smelled funny. It was clean, uninfected, freshly shaven and I was mortified! The funny smell? It was the wonderful smell of pussy. My 16 year old partner was terrified of pussy and thought it should smell like Jean Nate, and because of that I was screwed up for years. Traumatic!!!
I have since released that trauma, but we all have little micro tears like that, which we need to fix. We have to put in the work to change the way we view our bodies, our sexuality and our sexual function. If you think about it negatively, sex is gross. We are licking and sucking and rubbing against someone whom if we were unfamiliar, would get a scowl after bumping into us in a crowded elevator. Yet here we are, sweating on each other as if sweat is a welcomed summer rain.
We are trying our best not to fart, smell, or exist outside of some erotic representation of a human that we learned sexuality from in America, because our sex ed focuses on the hetero-normative biological function of sex. But freeing yourself from that ideal will help you to be more vulnerable, loving, and receptive in your sexual experience.
What micro tears do you have in your genitalia that are impeding your sexuality? Comment below or email me to discuss in our next session!
So yeah, Velvet Swing is that dream you had. If you ever meet someone who says they are not 420 friendly, kindly unfriend them. Nothing has made my pussy as happy as this herbal concoction. First of all, my trip to go purchase it was on a field trip sponsored by the company, so I had MAJOR reservations. I hate being sold something (this is why there are no links in this post). I get on the bus and the reps are not reps, they are the company owners. One is like a nuclear scientist, the other a hot studly lesbian that made me want to strip her down, but I am reserving that fantasy for close friends. We get to Buddy's Pot Shop and there are so many great things to buy, but I had to try this pussy juice.
I didn't know what to expect, as I am already naturally wet and pretty multi orgasmic, but when I finally got a few minutes to myself, I am pretty sure I pissed off my neighbors. I owed them one, as they wear shoes in the house and live above me so I had no shame. I am not a "pothead" by the traditional definition, but this makes me a pot crotch. If your partner is one that gets drug tested I can say that they should go down on you first, then massage the angel jizz that is Velvet Swing into your pussy while you get creative for about 15 minutes, but then redline that shit. Go full frontal.,
This product is not available in many states, and while I can not attest to how I had a great sexual experience last night with it, I will say this: the small bottle is TSA friendly. Travel at your own risk. It might be worth it!
Veteran's Day Weekend...