Porn is great.
Porn is awful.
That is the TL:DR version of this post.
Folx, look at your genitals. As soon as you finish reading this, go look at them. Touch them. Peel back the skin and look deeper, and while you are there, touch every layer. Become familiar with body parts that don't look like porn body parts.
I was an actor for a while, which meant casting calls. They wanted a Black woman; I was there. Most times, I wasn't what they were looking for. Either I spoke too proper, my complexion was too light, or my build was too muscular. It gave me a host of self image issues. It made me miss my porn calling too, because I kept interpreting it as "you are not pretty enough for mainstream."
This perpetuated itself in the bedroom, because every porn star's pussy I saw didn't look a thing like mine. I have large pussy lips, a huge clit, and the layers? Oh my god, the layers!!! Porn pussy is compact, neat and so well put together. Hell, it doesn't even SQUIRT like mine. My squirts are like a leak of wetness that soaks my lover inconspicuously and porn pussy shoots jizz out across the room. Porn is horrible. I still watch it (for research mostly), but let's admit, it's mostly science fiction.
It wasn't until I took some time, about 11 years ago, and looked at my pussy that I realized, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. More importantly, how can you show anyone how to test drive it if you don't know what it looks and feels like. My labia majora provides a totally different sensation than my labia minora, but I had to get to a place where I knew my pussy well enough from sight for the braille to work.
You know what else makes you uncomfortable about your genitalia outside of trying to match it to porn stars? Trauma. When I was 15, I was told my pussy smelled funny. It was clean, uninfected, freshly shaven and I was mortified! The funny smell? It was the wonderful smell of pussy. My 16 year old partner was terrified of pussy and thought it should smell like Jean Nate, and because of that I was screwed up for years. Traumatic!!!
I have since released that trauma, but we all have little micro tears like that, which we need to fix. We have to put in the work to change the way we view our bodies, our sexuality and our sexual function. If you think about it negatively, sex is gross. We are licking and sucking and rubbing against someone whom if we were unfamiliar, would get a scowl after bumping into us in a crowded elevator. Yet here we are, sweating on each other as if sweat is a welcomed summer rain.
We are trying our best not to fart, smell, or exist outside of some erotic representation of a human that we learned sexuality from in America, because our sex ed focuses on the hetero-normative biological function of sex. But freeing yourself from that ideal will help you to be more vulnerable, loving, and receptive in your sexual experience.
What micro tears do you have in your genitalia that are impeding your sexuality? Comment below or email me to discuss in our next session!