This is the most common question I get. A completely understandable question, too. I began my journey into sex work as a sex surrogate in 1997, offering myself as an essential component to male clients of a Chicago-area therapist on a path to healing sexual dysfunctions. I was young and curious about all things sex and this opened up my mind to the real POWER of sex.
I had no way of knowing that 10 years later, I would find myself on the other side of the planet, offering a therapy all my own to clients who existed in varying states of dysfunction. For the past 20+ years I have been studying sex with both the curiosity of a child and the voracity of a fat king, absorbing as much as I could from tantra to somatica. Throughout this period my life has taken a share of professional twists and turns, as I worked to maintain a "real job" both as an entrepreneur and in corporate, then working as a sex worker in the off hours.
At one point in the early 2000's I went to massage school, focusing on prenatal and infant massage while I studied to be a birth doula. That career was probably the shortest lived, as the hours and workload were way greater than I had ever desired, but it gave me some powerful insight. It also led me to the position I hold now, as one day after a meditation I realized I the sex work that I was doing held so many parallels to the birth work I had done in the past.
While a doula is there to provide support to the mother, I am there to support the lover. I am there to make sure they are able to experience a safe and pleasurable sexual experience. I offer spiritual, emotional, physical and informational support before, during and after the sexual experience can be varied.
So, what exactly does that mean in terms of what a sex doula can do?
It's "What the Fuck Wednesday" and today I answer the daunting question, "What the fuck is a chakra?"
In 1996, I was your standard fly ass black girl living in the inner-city and completely clueless to most of the world while simultaneously thinking I knew it all. I had been a staunch (read: evangelical) vegetarian for over half a decade and was dibble dabbing with the idea of veganism, when I was introduced to yoga and meditation. That was the first time I ever heard the term “chakra,” and like most of the other Sanskrit words being thrown around in the yoga studio, it just didn’t stick.
Ten years later, I found myself with a regular yoga practice, a better understanding of some Sanskrit terminology, and still confused about chakras and what they do. As I navigated my new life in Hawaii, I embarked on a tantric path, and that all changed. I say all this to say, it’s totally fine to still in 2018 not know what the fuck a chakra is, but keep reading grasshopper, and you will be on your path to a chakratic awakening (no, chakratic is not a real word).
Sanskrit is an old (1200-400 BC) language that is pretty confusing for anyone who is not well versed in etymology and philosophy, which is MOST of us. It was spoken in India and it is the language most classic Hindu scriptures and poetry is written. The word ‘chakra’ literally means ‘wheel’ in Sanskrit, however it is much ‘deeper’ than that (this is where that philosophy and etymology background comes in handy). According to Eastern philosophy everything, from planets to people, is made up of spirals or wheels of energy. Inside of us there are seven of these wheels, spinning, intersecting, moving energy throughout or body like a pulley system. The flow of this energy (or lack thereof) dictates how we move in life, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The First Wheel
Chakras move from the base of your body up. The first wheel is the Root Chakra, physically located in the “taint” (tis ain’t the genitals tis ain’t the anus) or perineum, and it is your survival chakra. This is where your flight or fight comes from, where your desire for grounding (shelter, family) and your need for security (financial, emotional) lives. Think in terms of “I have,” and with the feelings of stillness and stability.
The Second Wheel
Your sexual center is your sacral chakra, and this is where your creative energy, your desire and pleasure are rooted. Your sex center is where you experience life change. Think in terms of “I feel” and in concepts of duality, light and dark, male and female, yin and yang.
The Third Wheel
Got Willpower? Check your Solar Plexus chakra for that internal empowerment, confidence and autonomous energy. Think in terms of “I can” and allow yourself to exist in a true human experience, full of tears and laughter, anger and joy.
The Fourth Wheel
Love and the heart have a history that go back way before cupid. The Heart chakra is the home of not only love, but also unity, compassion and healing. Think in the ultimate term, “I love” and move energy from this chakra with the intention of bonding.
The Fifth Wheel
Your communication center is located in the throat. This is where we find connection, self-expression, sound and taste. Think in terms of “I speak” with energy that expands out from the throat, mouth and ears down to the arms and hands. If you are wondering if this energy is affected by technology, the answer is: clearly. Take a moment and adjust your body as you read this on your computer and feel how the throat opens up.
The Sixth Wheel
Even if you know NOTHING about the chakras, you probably have at least heard of the third eye. Your sixth chakra relates to your pineal gland, and is physically located in the forehead area, across the eyes, and even down through the jaw. Think in terms “I see,” and use this energy to channel intuition, imagination, and clairvoyance. This is where your dreams live.
The Seventh Wheel
Here at the top of your head, your Crown Chakra is your guide to understanding, knowing and experiencing bliss. The crown is the thousand petaled lotus flower that grows in the muck. It represents our conscious and our unconscious, our connection to the divine, and our ability to transcend this physical body and earthly presence. Think in terms of “I know,” because you do and on the path to enlightenment it’s important to check in and remember “it ain’t where you from, it’s where you’re at.”
To schedule an appointment for a chakra clearing and full body healing, call Amina at 808-954-0224 or book online today.
Sorry I am late, I was masturbating. I know it's May 20th, but this is the perfect month for that excuse, so I am using it!
Have you been masturbating? NO?!?! Why the hell not! This is a celebration. It feels good and it DOES good. That is right, masturbation has been proven to be BENEFICIAL for women and men. Since I have a vulva to celebrate this month, I will talk about women's masturbation today, but hey there are still 11 days left in the month. I might get to penises too, if I am lucky and practice excellent time management. Masturbation will make you feel better about yourself and make your lover excited to fuck.
Masturbating is Good for You
While touching yourself provides amazing sensory benefits and other pleasures, it's actually better for you. Masturbation can help those suffering from insomnia naturally. Tension release is a great sleep inducer, and that is what an orgasm is. Those good feelings of bliss are brought on by our good friend dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone and when you are done cumming, the relaxing hormone oxytocin is released, which helps you sleep. Also, these hormones are also helpful in improving your mood and relieving depressed feelings. Oh, and all of those pulses you are feeling? Hello pelvic floor! The pelvic floor twerks for you while you orgasm, strengthening naturally without the need of yoni eggs or kegels. Besides, touching yourself helps to improve the way you view yourself and allows you to connect with your body.
One question I get often is, "When is the best time to masturbate?" Anytime is a GOOD time to masturbate, but the BEST time is when you have the freedom to honor yourself without other distractions. I like to set up a date night with myself sometimes that includes a sexy playlist, good wine, candles and my favorite vibrator. I take a couple of hours of solitude, put my phone in 'do not disturb' mode and enjoy myself.
For women, there are 3 well known ways to masturbate: grinding, clitoral stimulation and fingering/vaginal penetration. Grinding was the first way I learned to pleasure myself. I could do it when I was young and still living in my mother's home, without all the guilt that came with touching myself. I would lie in bed, naked from the waist down, and grind on my sheets, arousing myself so that the tip of my clit would fill up and graze lightly against the bed until I climaxed. It's a great intro to masturbation!
Clitoral stimulation can be very intense, depending on the woman, the time of the month, and countless other varying factors. Touching your (well lubed) clitoris gently, rubbing it in a circular motion or using a motorized clit massager are all my top 3 ways to get a quick nut. Sometimes, we don't have time for all the loving woo we want to give ourselves, but sexual release is still desirable. On those days, if I am turned on for it, I make a b-line for the clitoris.
Then, there's penetration. Ahhh, to be penetrated by your own loving hands provides a personal freedom you might not know exists. It allows you to feel the inside of your vagina, palpating your cervix and g-spot, and get a sense of your natural wetness. You can finally feel the pulsing and contractions and repeatedly realize how strong and powerful your pussy actually is! Dildos, wands, g-spot stimulators, and other sex toys can be brought to this private party if you desire, but always know partnered with a good lubricant, your hand is a-plenty!
I could talk for hours about other types of masturbation, including anal play, self-flogging, masturdation (meditational masturbation) and breath orgasms (touchless masturbation), but you will just have to join one of my classes for that. For information on my upcoming classes visit www.fearlessgift.org/events and I look forward to having you at my studio soon!
It's that time of year again. On the 20th of April, people from all over the country come together to celebrate the most controversial herbal supplement in the US. Although there are a lot of tall tales as to how the term "420" was coined, the time was designated by stoner kids at San Rafael High School in Marin County, my old stomping grounds, as high time to 'get high' as all after-school activities ended at that time. Now it is a universal time for smoking, code word for cannabis and an unofficial national holiday.
"CannaSexual is a word Ashley Manta created to describe anyone who mindfully, deliberately combines sex & cannabis."
In honor of the day, every year I offer my infamous 4/20 sessions. The sessions, which last four hours and 20 minutes are an adventure in herbal bliss. This is my first year offering the sessions in Georgia, so some modifications have to be made for legality purposes, but if you identify as a cannasexual, if you are at all interested in learning more about cannabis and sex, or if you are just curious on how sexual arousal and weed compliment each other, you really don't want to miss me this week.
The session, which starts with an herbal infusion, includes an herbal bath, guided meditation, my signature Maui-Wowie touch (herbal infused oily lomi lomi and tantra massage combo), lingham/yoni worship with herbal lubricant, a tingling shower finish and to celebrate the munchies mindset, healing vegan lunch/dinner and goddess nectar.
If you are not in Atlanta and you are interested in recreating the session, have at it! You can find Cannabis Bath Soaks, Golden Goddess Tantra Lickable Body Butter and Velvet Swing Lube in states where weed is legal.
the 420 sessions are only available until 4/21 and are $500 each. To book a session, please request a time below.
I have a confession to make. I have peed during sex.
I know for a fact it was urine. It was a fun night of intense vibrations from a sex toy, lots of oral and deep penetration. I was so excited, like a puppy is when its owner returns home, and at the peak of my orgasm, I gushed a bit of urine. Both my lover and I were surprised by this fluid and thought I had learned to squirt.
Here is the thing, piss smells like piss. I don’t care how much water you drink, it will smell of urine (or in my case that day, coffee and urine) and the pigment urochromen will provide it with somewhat of a yellow tinge. To be honest, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was pee. I also knew the first time I squirted, that it absolutely wasn’t pee.
How do I know for sure? Well for one thing, I couldn’t stop it. I can stop urinating with a simple kegel but this felt like it was coming from somewhere totally different. The smell was sweet, like the inside of a pussy, it felt warm, but not hot and it was slippery in a way that pee just isn’t. Also, there wasn’t as much of it. I had up until then only seen squirting in porn, and thought it was supposed to shoot across the room like a geyser for 30 seconds or it wasn’t real.
"Porn has fucked us up so bad."
Since then I have continued to squirt, sometimes a few drops, other times a slight puddle, but never a geyser. I did, however, have a lover for many years who could drown you if you weren’t careful. You see, very woman will squirt a little differently from the other.
Yes. Every. Woman.
Every woman can ejaculate, it’s just not easy for every one of us. Many of us will have to unpack some shit before we can get to a space sexually where we are comfortable with fluids coming out of us. Some of us aren’t even comfortable with sounds coming out of us. . You will need to fully relax and get out of your head to enjoy pleasure fully. You might need to incorporate a meditation and massage practice to your sexual spaces so that you can allow your body to do what it does. Holding on to sexual shame, guilt or fear is a major road block to ecstasy and ejaculation, so getting away from those thoughts before entering into sex is key.
In tantra, we teach that this lovely fluid is the manifestation of sexual energy, a part of sex magic. So yeah, you will also have to be ok with being a little (or a lot) witchy. Bonus: sex energy helps to manifest so much more in daily life, just watch!
Here are a couple of other important things to note:
Ejaculation is easier at certain times of the month (hello moon) and when you are well hydrated (hello water).
Fingers are better than dicks. I know, my lesbian is showing, but it’s true. G-spot stimulation is the boss here, and if the dick you are using is larger than 3 inches, you are setting yourself up for failure. The g-spot opens the door for intense orgasms as well as ejaculation (no they are not the same).
As you open up to squirting, open up to masturbation. Touching yourself and learning your own g-spot will help you experience better sex and guide your partner to be a better lover.
As Whitley Gilbert once said on the grounds of Hillman College, “Relax, Relate, Release.” If you want to experience ejaculation as a part of your lovemaking, it may take some patience, some intentional practice and some help from professionals (read up on it, hire a sex coach, etc.). Just remember, there are some ground rules and pleasure is your birth right.
By the way, you know how I always say that sex is healing. This fluid is liquid platinum. When it finally does reveal itself to you, drink it, rub it in, just don’t waste it.
To book an initial consult for a tantric coaching session with me and help you on your journey to ejaculation, click the link below.
Appointments can be done virtually OR in person.
How to tell your partner that it's time to fix it or see other people
Last night, a close friend and I talked sex over craft beers, as we so often do and I was reminded of how hard it is to tell someone you love that what they are doing is wrong.
Just imagine: your partner is perfect for you in almost every way. You love being in their company, their energy screams soulmate, and you love all of the same things, from that recent best seller to the salt and pepper popcorn weirdness. There is just one problem; sex with them sucks. It's not always bad, but more often than not you aren't experiencing ANY type of orgasm, and you find yourself glancing at the clock only to find out that minutes are longer than ever.
Too often, I am meeting with a new client dealing with this at home. The idea of leaving the partner occasionally comes to mind, but the bad sex is with their best friend, and since at least one partner has never been satisfied, bringing it up now somehow does not seem right. I know this all too well, as one of my marriages was plagued with bad sex, but I pretended to enjoy it the first few times and I felt trapped in that lie. Eventually you feel as if you are faced with two options: cheat or leave.
"If all genders are not on board with the concept that consensual sexual activity is enjoyable and fulfilling, we will not make any headway."
There is a third option: HONESTY. There is no reason for bad sex except that at least one partner is afraid to hurt the other feelings or have their own feelings hurt. I am going to let you in on a little gem: NO ONE has ever DIED from HURT FEELINGS. Living an unfulfilled sex life, an inauthentic whole life, all because you're afraid of feeling something is ridiculous.
Consensual sexual activity should be enjoyable, and if it is not, you have the right to withdraw consent. You get to say, I would like to stop this activity because I am not getting anything from it. I want you to feel empowered to express yourself fully with anyone that you feel comfortable enough to get naked with. You are already vulnerable, why not be honest? Release the lie that it's ok, and make steps towards mindblowing.
You can use your adult words, you can use your hands, you can take the lead and dominate, but don't take bad sex lying down. To prepare you to have a more fulfilled sexual experience, here are a few suggestions to get started expressing yourself in the bed.
For more tips stay tuned to my newsletter and podcast for upcoming learning opportunities.
Hugs & Bliss
Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I am featured on the “Who Do You Kink You Are?” podcast! I had a blast being interviewed and I would love for you to check it out and let me know what you think! You can listen to the podcast on iTunes here:
About The Podcast:
Who Do You Kink You are is all about sex, relationships and kink. This podcast aims to normalize the conversation around sex. We believe that there’s no such thing as normal and everyone deserves to feel comfortable, explore their desires and speak up for what they want. We encourage everyone to ask why they like something and be able to speak about it freely. As women of color, we know what it feels like when everyone else is talking about the sex we should and shouldn’t be having. By sharing our stories and inviting guests to share theirs, we show a variety of sexual interests and relationship styles. Instagram: @WhoDoYouKinkYouAre Twitter: @WDYKYAPodcast
As I wrap up my Hawaii visit, I started thinking about sex (surprise) and how we approach it. In the book "The Four Agreements," author Don Miguel Ruiz lays out four paths to personal freedom. If you haven't read it yet, please do. Ruiz offers four great "laws" for living, but what if we transported those same practices into our loving spaces to experience more AMAZING sex?
The first agreement and arguably the most difficult, both in life and in love, is to "be impeccable with your word." As a whole, people aren't often communicative enough in sex, so practicing this first one will not come easily. Clients often come to me with a negative word about their own sexual selves and sometimes about their partners sex. If I could challenge you to move into the first agreement to stop speaking AGAINST your sex. Say what you want, what you like and what you need in and from sex. The words we speak set our intention, and in sex magic we move our intention into our sexual energy and orgasm so that we can manifest what we want in life. Say what you feel and say what you mean!
The second agreement, which Oprah finds to be the most challenging, is "don't take anything personally." You are responsible for your own actions and your own feelings, not those of others. One of the reasons we fear expression is because we worry about the receivers feelings, when we shouldn't be. If you are told by a lover that they don't like a thing you do sexually, that is their reality and not yours, so don't get in your feelings. Sex is such a deeply personal experience, that leaves us vulnerable to our partners, it easy to start thinking that it's you, but listen to them. This second agreement has helped me to go deeper in sex, and experience more passionate orgasms as I have moved away from the fear of connection. For a long time, I was terrified of falling in love with a partner who didn't reciprocate the love. My love is free now and my sex is awesome, simply because my love doesn't come with a caveat of being loved back. Even though as Teddy Pendegrass once crooned, "it's so good, loving somebody when somebody loves you back," I no longer take it personally if you don't. My love is a gift. You are welcome!
You know what happens when you assume? The third agreement helps you to keep it simple: don't make assumptions. Don't assume your partner does or doesn't wants sex. Don't assume they want sex that way. Don't assume she can't have a vaginal orgasm. Don't assume she's wet enough. If there is any agreement that should be framed and put above your bed as your personal sexual mantra it is THIS one. You see, if you are making an assumption, we take it personally when we are wrong. Ask the questions, it's sexy. We are constantly evolving sexually, so the more you ask about your partners sexual pleasure, the better the sex will be! Sex Bonus: Help your partner not assume by expressing yourself more freely!
Finally, the fourth agreement (and my personal favorite), "always do your best." No, really. DO YOUR BEST. Nothing kills desire for sex like mediocre sex. Osho says "sex has to be a meditation and you have to learn the art of it." Many of us learned sex from either trial by fire or from porn, and we think we are doing our best. Your best sex is the sex you have the capacity for. So go out and see a sex coach (I am available), read up on sex, and learn how to be the best sex partner you can be.
Life's most persistent and urgent question is "what are you doing for others"
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
In service to others. That is my mantra as a sacred sex worker. My service to you in tantra is an act of devotion to the divine feminine as well as to release the grace of the Goddess through sexual worship. My service to the universe is to act as a guide, releasing stigma of sex and sensuality through loving touch and meditation. The sacred and the sexual are kept so separate in western ideology and the division is affecting us in so many ways. It shows up in the way we interact with others, the way we connect, and the way we express ourselves. As a society, we are unraveling trying to navigate through spaces separately, but there is a sexual revolution working to change that. The word 'tantra' means 'to weave' or 'to expand' and I am working to weave together love, sexuality and spirituality in a way that is foreign, but needed.
In a recent discussion, I came to realize how much we not only separate the spiritual and the sexual, but how much we only see intimacy through the lens of sex and intercourse. So much of my practice is sensual in nature, and in my eyes sensuality is sex, not the act of intercourse... so I started wondering: how can I do more to help transcend the desire for intercourse as a form of sexual expression.
I am excited to announce a new offering for 2018: Tantra Touch IV
This 2 hour session includes all of the loving goodness of Tantra Touch II, but also opens and closes with a guided meditation. After cleansing the body with water, I will guide you through a chakra check in and visualization before moving into intentional, intimate touch. As I move across your body, I will go deeper than the muscles, moving through your chakras awakening sexual energy throughout. Pulling the sacred energy from your genitals, you will experience bliss beyond orgasm, releasing blockages before returning to a healing touch to close the body and level out. In my embrace, we will close with a guided meditation to complete the session based on the following mantra:
"I am a goddess of pleasure. All acts of love are my rituals.