I have a confession to make. I have peed during sex.
I know for a fact it was urine. It was a fun night of intense vibrations from a sex toy, lots of oral and deep penetration. I was so excited, like a puppy is when its owner returns home, and at the peak of my orgasm, I gushed a bit of urine. Both my lover and I were surprised by this fluid and thought I had learned to squirt.
Here is the thing, piss smells like piss. I don’t care how much water you drink, it will smell of urine (or in my case that day, coffee and urine) and the pigment urochromen will provide it with somewhat of a yellow tinge. To be honest, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was pee. I also knew the first time I squirted, that it absolutely wasn’t pee.
How do I know for sure? Well for one thing, I couldn’t stop it. I can stop urinating with a simple kegel but this felt like it was coming from somewhere totally different. The smell was sweet, like the inside of a pussy, it felt warm, but not hot and it was slippery in a way that pee just isn’t. Also, there wasn’t as much of it. I had up until then only seen squirting in porn, and thought it was supposed to shoot across the room like a geyser for 30 seconds or it wasn’t real.
"Porn has fucked us up so bad."
Since then I have continued to squirt, sometimes a few drops, other times a slight puddle, but never a geyser. I did, however, have a lover for many years who could drown you if you weren’t careful. You see, very woman will squirt a little differently from the other.
Yes. Every. Woman.
Every woman can ejaculate, it’s just not easy for every one of us. Many of us will have to unpack some shit before we can get to a space sexually where we are comfortable with fluids coming out of us. Some of us aren’t even comfortable with sounds coming out of us. . You will need to fully relax and get out of your head to enjoy pleasure fully. You might need to incorporate a meditation and massage practice to your sexual spaces so that you can allow your body to do what it does. Holding on to sexual shame, guilt or fear is a major road block to ecstasy and ejaculation, so getting away from those thoughts before entering into sex is key.
In tantra, we teach that this lovely fluid is the manifestation of sexual energy, a part of sex magic. So yeah, you will also have to be ok with being a little (or a lot) witchy. Bonus: sex energy helps to manifest so much more in daily life, just watch!
Here are a couple of other important things to note:
Ejaculation is easier at certain times of the month (hello moon) and when you are well hydrated (hello water).
Fingers are better than dicks. I know, my lesbian is showing, but it’s true. G-spot stimulation is the boss here, and if the dick you are using is larger than 3 inches, you are setting yourself up for failure. The g-spot opens the door for intense orgasms as well as ejaculation (no they are not the same).
As you open up to squirting, open up to masturbation. Touching yourself and learning your own g-spot will help you experience better sex and guide your partner to be a better lover.
As Whitley Gilbert once said on the grounds of Hillman College, “Relax, Relate, Release.” If you want to experience ejaculation as a part of your lovemaking, it may take some patience, some intentional practice and some help from professionals (read up on it, hire a sex coach, etc.). Just remember, there are some ground rules and pleasure is your birth right.
By the way, you know how I always say that sex is healing. This fluid is liquid platinum. When it finally does reveal itself to you, drink it, rub it in, just don’t waste it.
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